Joke of the Day...
Replied by Dabu on topic Joke of the Day...
A Policeman on his horse says to little girl on her bike, "Did Santa get you that?" "Yes," she replies."Well tell Santa to put a reflector light on it next year," and fines her $5. The little girl looks up at the Policeman and says, "Nice
horse you've got there. Did Santa bring you that too?"
The Policeman chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"
"Well," says the little girl, "Next year, tell Santa the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it"!
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Replied by Sharkey on topic Joke of the Day...
That's funny right there I don't care WHO ya are.... 
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Replied by Sharkey on topic Joke of the Day...
Wow. THAT'S a nice find Sisco. I'm sitting here laughing my ass off right now over that whole thing and gotta go read it again...
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Replied by Siscowet on topic Joke of the Day...
A married couple is traveling by car from Victoria to Prince George .
Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350.00.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He told the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. He insisted on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use.
"But we didn't use them," the husband said.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.
The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows," the husband said.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, "But we didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and agreed topay. As he didn't have the check book, he asked his wife to write the check.
She did and gave it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But ma'am, this is made out for only $50.00."
"That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."
Don't mess with senior citizens..... They didn't get there by being stupid.
Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350.00.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He told the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. He insisted on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use.
"But we didn't use them," the husband said.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.
The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows," the husband said.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, "But we didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and agreed topay. As he didn't have the check book, he asked his wife to write the check.
She did and gave it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But ma'am, this is made out for only $50.00."
"That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."
Don't mess with senior citizens..... They didn't get there by being stupid.
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Replied by Dabu on topic Joke of the Day...
A little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating.
“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked.
“They’re mating,” her father replied.
“What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked.
“That’s a daddy longlegs.” her father answered.
“So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?” the little girl asked.
“No,” her father replied. “Both of them are daddy longlegs.”
The little girl thought for a moment, stomped them flat and said, “We’re not having that sort of crap in our garden."
“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked.
“They’re mating,” her father replied.
“What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked.
“That’s a daddy longlegs.” her father answered.
“So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?” the little girl asked.
“No,” her father replied. “Both of them are daddy longlegs.”
The little girl thought for a moment, stomped them flat and said, “We’re not having that sort of crap in our garden."
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Replied by Sharkey on topic Joke of the Day...
Four guys have been going to the same hunting trip for many years.
Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Ron's buddies are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later the three buddies get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.
"**** Ron, how long you been here? How did you talk your missus into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since last night. After dinner at home yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'"
I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing sexy brand new lingerie. She said had been reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and she had a devilish look in her eyes!!!
She took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over.
On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes!
She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.
And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So . . . . Here I am !
Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Ron's buddies are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later the three buddies get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.
"**** Ron, how long you been here? How did you talk your missus into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since last night. After dinner at home yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'"
I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing sexy brand new lingerie. She said had been reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and she had a devilish look in her eyes!!!
She took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over.
On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes!
She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.
And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So . . . . Here I am !
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